MUNdane!!

And SMUN 2008 was anything, but! The Head of Press for SMUN 2008 now brings you an utterly hedonistic view of the two-day inter-school conference.

MUNning is all about the research, the presentation and making yourself heard no matter what, forget all that rigmarole about working for world peace and it's elusive accomplices. It's a battlefield out there, kids, and you've got to be prepared to talk until you turn blue in the face. A MUN is such utterly serious business you're likely to believe, that one wrong word and you'll provoke the mighty Bench gods into smiting you into oblivion.

Now let me deconstruct all those misconceptions by bringing you glimpses of what really happens at a MUN. A quick note, boys and girls: being an alumnus has it's little advantages. Do NOT try this at school. (But if you do, let me know. I'm sure I'll find the results giggle-worthy.)


We'll begin with the audience. Every big event needs a bigger audience to ooh, to aah and to applaud you senseless. For the audience at SMUN (which, may I add, was relieved to only have to attend Day 1) the most exciting experience was the super comfortable chairs in our beloved auditorium. Overheard somewhere in the middle of a moderated caucus: "Is this our punishment for calling Maths class boring?" Lesson well learnt, little girl.

However, the audience at any MUN is but a mere shadow on the actual proceedings. At any half-decent MUN, the only audience any delegate can hope to get is him/herself. And frankly, hearing yourself go on about how you most assuredly represent what can only be called heaven on earth can get tedious. Leading me to speculate that perhaps the true purpose of a MUN is very uplifiting: teaching us all that what we're saying is likely to send our own minds into coma, so be kind to the hearing world and shut up.

So as expected by us veteran MUNners, the crack in the delegates' veneer of grave professionalism was not quick to appear. Heck, it was a big bloomin' blemish the very moment certain delegates entered the scene. With the shenanigans many of the delegates, and most of the SMUN team, I confess, got up to, I won't be surprised if you leave here wondering if you should be paying them for entertaining you. I elaborate:

Human rights and an impending global energy crisis are no laughing matters. Or at least, that's what we started off believing.

A few back-benchers at GA were caught yawning even before the session began. Had a little too much to eat, delegates? But nothing could top the delegates of Czech Republic and Russia at UNESCO. The former couldn't seem to remember what the decided agenda was while the latter wasn't a big believer in the concept of time. With that attitude, you may say, Russia would be utterly ineffective in a crisis. And surprise surprise, he proved us right. When a crisis did take place on Day 2, the esteemed delegate actually had to have the Chair prompt him to take action. And that too, to no avail. Although admittedly, his dance to Yankee Doodle was rather amusing. Did you come up with the steps yourself, delegate?

Speaking of dance, where there is dance, there shall be music and the two put together will almost certainly rope in a third form of entertainment that is normally not an officially approved part of a inter-school conference. Not that that has ever stopped anybody.
Whilst there were cute skirts and killer heels galore, it was the male delegates that were under scrutiny. And one in particular was the hapless butt of many of us grown-ups' jokes. Any guesses? ;)

But trust you me, the entertainment sessions were not the only time when every delegate was up and hooting. For us connoisseurs of amusement, there were funny moments galore. Here are some delicious tidbits courtesy of the ever-vigilant press team (with commentary from the GA Spokesperson, mostly):

Delegate of USA: "I wish to do the right of reply thingy."

Delegate of Argentina: "The burning of fossil fuels does not cause pollution, cows farting does."

Delegate of India: "We do not have cows. We have buffaloes." We'd never have guessed.

Delegate of Russia: "My bra needs the cow." Why delegate, why?!

Delegate of France: "I'm a boy." The delegate, who is incidentally a boy, providing us with this insightful information.

Delegate of the Czech Republic: "Affected flora and fauna are not being discussed... therefore Czech-republic declares war on Myanmar"- The delegate's useful suggestion to solve nuclear crisis.

Other Czech Delegate: "We declare Cyber war.Not military war"- .. Smart delegation aren't they...

Other Czech delegate: "Battlefield Switzerland!" ...after realising it's a "military" war.

Delegate of USA: "Is there any scientific way to control radiation?"

Delegate of Russia: "Eh...what is this da- guys group and girls group huh?"

Delegate of Saudi Arabia (presumably to a crisis struck-Mynamar): "I will provide oil as you would have lost all your resources!"

Delegate of Czech Republic: "Eh I was so bored, so I thought I'd declare a war!" Most amusing, delegate. What are you doing in the United Nations, anyway?

Delegate of USA: "All those who dont evacuate animals are not people!" Much respect to the very humane delegate.

Delegate of Czech Republic: "You can uproot trees and plant it in some other place eg. Namma metro."

Delegate of UAE: "You want me to punch your teeth out?"

Delegate of Argentina: "This is maddness." I fully agree.

Delegate of New Zealand: "This is THE Indian parliament!"

"Delegates, you will be molested if you don't entertain us"- Head of Press (Not true. I merely informed the winners of the Press Awards that they were facing an impatient, entertainment-hungry audience comprising mostly of teenaged girls who have been known to get...volatile. For the delegates' own benefit, of course.)

And the last quote of course requires some complementary information. Primarily to clear the air of whatever strange and unncecessary thoughts you might be thinking. As a sort of consolation prize to the delegates who did not win the coveted Press Awards, we decided to have the winners put on an impromptu show for us. The delegates were oddly reticent, with the exception of the delegate of Argentina, who elicited many-a hoots and cat-calls for his jig to that funny Beedi song. Expectations were riding high, and as the saying goes, you can never trust a Sophiate on her home ground. Thankfully, my warning did not fall on deaf ears and the winners finally obliged us by coming up in twos and threes to dance to 'The way I r'.

This post is approaching close to a thousand words now, and with some regret I must admit that we've only about covered the periphery of the events. The happenings at SMUN 2008 provided one with enough fodder for a whole series of articles. Fortunately for the delegates, I am too lazy to write them. Which leaves me with no option but to conclude.

SMUN 2008 was a spectacular success, to state the obvious. We went inter-school and hosted a number of first time MUNners, many of which are now quite addicted to the MUN phenomena. We had lively sessions interspersed with some very decent quality discussions, stellar people on the organizational team and good food. We had a certain Spokesperson very charmingly threatening fatal injuries to a love-struck delegate, the Head of Press being chased shrieking around the stage by members of the bench and one of the Chairs being utterly sporting and giving in to the demands of her delegates.

SMUN may still be in it's fledgling stages and quite possibly not up to par with some other recent MUNs in the city. But what it does boast of is sheer uniqueness, a platform that is impressive in it's professionalism, endearing in it's informality and simply the place to be, whether your talents lie in research, debating, singing, dancing or punching people's teeth out! Or, speaking from personal experience, doing absolutely nothing, other than looking busy!

Cheers to all the delegates, the SMUN team and specially Mrs. Lali. Long live SMUN!!!